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Why You Aren’t Meeting High-Quality People to Date

Updated: Jun 20, 2021

“Where have all the good men/women gone?” If this question keeps you up at night, you’re definitely not alone. Guys on dating apps ghost you, and you’re not meeting anyone in line at the coffee shop because, well, your life isn’t a rom-com. So where are all the high-vibe, high-quality people? I promise there are people out there who are interested in self-development but that still are actively seeking a S.O. You’re just not putting yourself in their crosshairs. Here are some common reasons you may be dating duds instead of keepers: ~you party too much. Drinking and drugs lower your vibration. Remember: alcohol is a depressant! So even if it may make you chattier and more confident, drinking will also inevitably make you tired, hungover, and zap you of your energy. In the long run, drinking heavily will actually make you sadder and have a more bleak outlook on dating. So if you’re already down about dating, minimize the alcohol. Not to mention that drinking hinders your ability to make a GOOD decision about someone you just met at the bar. (Remember: everyone is hot and interesting when you’re drunk.)

So if you’re out and trying to meet someone, keep it to one to two drinks. It’s ok to get a little liquid courage in ya, but don’t go overboard.

~you spend more time on the apps than you do making IRL connections. I tell my clients to use the dating apps as a SUPPLEMENT, not a REPLACEMENT, to their IRL socialization. Would you stop eating clean just because you take your vitamins? I hope not. So why would you stop going out and talking to people IRL just because you’re on a dating app?

That means don’t go out to a bar with your friends and swipe on people WHILE you’re out in the wild. Put down the damn phone!! You’re missing the cute, single men/women standing right in front of you. Studies (link) show that spending more time communicating with people on the apps than you do IRL a) decreases your confidence and b)

Swipe only when you’re bored at home and literally have nothing else to do. More than that, keep the swiping to 5-10 minutes a day so you don’t get to the point of “Fuck this! I’m putting in so much effort for such little reward.” This system will help you maintain a healthy relationship with the apps, as opposed to hating the shit out of them. …and you don’t spend enough time doing what you love. Do you suffer from workism? (link) Or maybe you’re just too comfortable in your Netflixing-on-the-couch bubble. I’ll give it to you straight: If you don’t take spend enough time doing the things you love, you’re not gonna meet someone. One of the most effective ways to meet a potential romantic partner is to attend meetings and events centered around your hobbies. If you don’t have hobbies – a sport, a creative endeavor – get some. And if you don’t end up meeting someone at a meetup, you won’t even feel like you’ve wasted your time, because ultimately, you were there for you! In short, the more you work on yourself, the better your chances will become of meeting someone who’s worth your time. Hope this helps! Happy hunting! Xo, Coach Sheena

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